By Soup Can Sam, Staff Astrologist
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)
Don’t be afraid to be bold this month. We suggest dressing
up like a Spartan and going to your weekly Zumba or yoga class. Don’t hold
Aries (March 21-April
The power of positive thinking will be all around you this
month. It might be a good idea to open up and let a little inside as well.
Paybacks can be heavenly.
Taurus (April 20-May
The stars are lining up in your favor this week, dear
Taurus. Keep your head in the clouds, but steer clear of Russian airspace. The
last thing you need is a piece of interstellar junk knocking down your dreams.
Gemini (May 21-June
Promotional material will not help you this week. You crave
less hype and more substance. You will find it in the park.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Prehistoric memories will haunt
your dreams. They will teach you that you’ve always had a thick skin. You just
didn’t know how durable it was until now.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Don’t be an ass hat! Simple as that. If you feel the urge
coming on, leave the room, leave the building. Go home and ass hat in your
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept.
It’s not going to stop raining for the next 12 to 16 weeks.
Get over it. And please, stop talking about it. Do you think we haven’t
noticed? Be happy in your wetness.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct.
A slow-cooked meal is Soup Can’s prescription for you,
Libra. However, a watched pot never boils, and you need some steamy explosions
in your life. Get out of the kitchen periodically.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22)
Dreams can come true.
It’s times like these when Soup Can thinks about all of the
crappy advice he’s given. All the lawsuits, all the failed relationships, all
the drugs, all of the unkowns. My advice to you is to take risk, to not be
afraid to make this shit up as you go. The stars are as unreliable as gas.
Everyone else is focusing on the rain, but you see the patch
of blue. Keep your eyes on the prize and never forget to share what you learn
along the way. We need a break from the rain, too.
Life is always getting better, wiser and more complete — one
day at a time.