The Heidelmoss family of Greensboro, Ind., (above) were
ready to close on their dream home last week when they learned they would have
to submit to urine and blood analysis in order to receive their mortgage.
The policy is a new law that requires families prove their
sobriety when they receive tax dollars to help them into housing. It includes
random testing of all residents in the household for the length of the loan and
could result in forfeiture of property if recreational substances are found.
At issue was the mortgage interest tax deduction, the
nation’s leading housing subsidy program with an estimated annual drag on the
nation’s budget of between $70 billion and $100 billion in giveaways. It is one
of many tax deductions and benefits granted to homeowners like the
Heidelmosses, along with property tax deductions and a deduction on the capital
gains on the sale of real property, even if it was only used for two years.
“We thought drug testing was only for welfare recipients,”
said Nigel Heidelmoss, the family’s patriarch who refused testing and lost the
house.“I don’t understand why they’re coming after us. My wife’s drinking
habits shouldn’t have anything to do with getting into a home. It’s not like
she does it on the street.”
This article is part of Street Roots' annual satire edition released each year for April Fools Day.