Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You’re life will take a turn for the better as soon as you stop insisting that Nikki Minaj lyrics are advice.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Move over Hazelnut! Oregon has a new state nut and it’s you, Capricorn. But don’t fight the temporary insanity — embrace it this holiday season. Forget roasted chestnuts, roast yourself and remember that those who can laugh at themselves will never cease to be amused.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) You won’t understand why your skin is peeling until just before it’s too late, so pay attention.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than to get a Lorde song out of your head. Avoid the radio next week.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Don’t let the holidays do it to you again this year. You’ve got too many moons on your side to let that happen! Embrace people, even if you don’t feel a need to hold on to them.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) You don’t have to fly or drive anywhere to get a good vacation in this holiday season. Vacation in Portland! Sample a new neighborhood, splurge on an exotic dinner (with appetizers!), see a show, rent a hot tub for an hour and grab a motel room in an unfamiliar part of town! It’s really that easy.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) The Grapes of Wrath was a great novel, it is also some great advice. Chuck that bottle of Pinot Gris you opened last July.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) What you do in the coming week will prepare you for the ... um ... nevermind.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) The film industry is shaking up and they’re looking for some new faces. Get on down to Hollywood and show ‘em what you got.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Are things tasting dull? Want to add some flavor to your life? Go take a cooking class, hot stuff!
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Invest in socks.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Take some extra time these weeks to show that special furry friend how much it means to you.