It’s been wonderful to have Chris Van Dam around the Street Roots vendor office this past year. He’s brought a resilient spirit, a ready smile and a philosophy of giving that is contagious.
Chris was born and raised in Southeast Portland. The youngest of four boys, he describes his childhood as ideal. The refrigerator was always stocked, there was a trampoline in the backyard and dinner on the table every night. Both parents, when they weren’t working, were always there for Chris and his brothers. His mother managed the Safeway at Northeast 122nd Avenue and Glisan Street, and his father worked at the Lane Miles Standish Printing Company.
“I don’t need to wonder if true love is real, or if relationships work because I had that right in front of me; my parents. I’ve always been very proud of that,” he said.
His carefree childhood ended one fateful day when Chris was 17. He was smoking a cigarette in his upstairs bedroom early one morning, and knowing his mother disapproved, he flicked the burning stub out the window. It landed in a gutter and set the house on fire. No one was hurt, but the house was unlivable.
“I felt so much guilt. They lost so much money. It took a year to rebuild,” he said. “It really put a wedge between my mom and me. She thought I didn’t feel guilty about it, but I felt terrible. I couldn’t show it. I tried to live on. It sucked,” he said.
Nothing was the same after the fire. In the years that followed, Chris struggled with addiction, homelessness and constantly getting into fist fights. He fished in Alaska and got his welder’s certification, but struggled to stay employed.
“Every time, something falls through and I start to lose confidence, little by little. I get depressed, angry, and wonder why I can’t succeed. And then I get into trouble.”
Despite setbacks, Chris has kept moving forward. He got his GED, and now has an associate’s degree in general studies.
Chris’s brightest light and inspiration has always been his daughter, Madyson. “I’m so proud of Maddy. I loved her from the moment she was born.” Maddy is 12 years old now.
Chris said it’s been hard to fight for the right to see his daughter, but he has conscientiously made her the priority of his life, navigating a maze of court dates, parenting classes, paper work, treatment programs, mental health appointments and supervised visitations to stay in her life. “I was always on time and did what they asked me to do, no matter what it took,” he said. “I grew up with a dad that was there.” He visits Maddy as much as he can, while always respecting the wishes of her adoptive family.
Chris remembers one Christmas a few years back when he was homeless during a snowstorm. “My feet were so cold, I thought I was going to die. It was 4 a.m. and I remember thinking I must be the biggest piece of shit if I had nowhere to go. It almost broke me.”
Then Chris found two things. A mental health counselor who listened, and Street Roots. “As long as there’s one person who believes in me I can’t give up. My counselor really helps. I felt like no one gave a shit, but she listens and gives a shit. Once I started to open up, I couldn’t stop. I don’t miss a single appointment,” he said.
Chris found Street Roots through a friend. “I didn’t realize I would end up being so connected,” he said. “Very rarely have I lasted somewhere so long. It’s hard to find people who really care when they say they do. I feel like you guys like and appreciate me. That’s good enough for me. Street Roots is like family to me. I’d be lost without them.
“Street Roots has become a little piece of the puzzle that lets me know things are going to work out for me one day.”
Chris would like to get a welding job and a stable place of his own, but even on days when this feels far away and out of reach, Chris says he is not giving up. Not ever. Not on himself, his loved ones or his dreams.
You can find Chris selling Street Roots at the Hollywood Trader Joes.