Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) You can either cut back on the amount of sh*t that’s around you or lower the speed of the fan. The rest is out of your control.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) If you find yourself embroiled and exposed with a local yet high profile politician don’t resign just so that his career can save face.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Portland, it’s that time of year again. The muggy weather is leading to temporary insanity. Hold tight and know it will be all wet and grey in just a few months, just like you’re used to.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22) Said temporary insanity has rendered everyone in this city even more incapable of driving than usual. Add to that a slew of fair weather cyclists and you’ve got yourself a disaster waiting to happen. Notch that helmet up extra tight this month.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 23) If the city wants to sweep so badly, how about it sweeps up the two-foot tall weeds left after mowing the berm along East Powell Boulevard? Oh, that’s right. They’re still attached. The city can’t be bothered to mow Powell Boulevard. The city does know it picks up on the east side the river, right? Explore.
Capricorn (Dec. 24-Jan. 19) Get rid of that blue recliner you got for free when you moved here. While it may be comfortable it’s hideous. Be the grown up you always dreamed of.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Micromanagement has taken on epic proportions with City Hall obsessing on how to turn the patio along Fourth Avenue into a private venue for ... well ... something: Music enthusiasts? Food cart lovers? All to displace something else. Would that all the vacant, overgrown lots in this city had such tender loving concern thrown at them from City Hall. Overlook the rise of blight at your own peril.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) If you think the dogs are looking at you oddly this week, wait till the end of the month.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Fill in the blank future! You’re _____________ will be ________________ with a salty twist at the end. Don’t let your ___________ see you ______________!
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Everyone is moving again. And with one the nation’s lowest vacancy rates you can rest assured that your experience in Portland will be one of the most stressful you’ve ever had. This time, look for a place you want to stay for at least two years — if you can find it.
Gemini (May 21-June 21) Put down the calendar and pick up a book. There’s a reason great literature does not come in bite-sized servings.
Cancer (June 22-July. 22) August is both National Immunization Awareness Month and Psoriasis Awareness Month. Shit’s important. Don’t forget about it for the next 11.