As regular readers of our column know, Partnership for Safety and Justice works with survivors of crime, and others impacted by the criminal justice system, to advocate for policies that make Oregon’s public safety structure more effective and more just. To that end, one of our ongoing priorities has been to educate the public about domestic violence and the critical need for more funding for crime survivors.
The media have shone a huge spotlight on the issue of domestic violence lately because of the involvement of a high-profile NFL football player. I don’t need to go into the details of the individual case; I’m sure most of you have read or watched the coverage and are familiar with what’s been reported. This case has brought many strong responses from a wide variety of corners, including the frequently asked question, “Why do women stay?”
The simplicity and tenor of this question implies that a person experiencing domestic violence just needs to leave. It also implies that when a person, most often a woman, is experiencing domestic violence, it is up to her to solve the problem.
What we’ve seen less discussion of, and what we think is a more relevant question, is: “Why is the abusive person being abusive?” It is the abusive person who is causing the issue. The person being abused is not responsible for the abusive person’s behavior.
Despite all of the collective efforts to educate people about “victim blaming,” it is still a common response when someone has been the victim of domestic or sexual violence. We don’t ask a mugging victim why he handed over his wallet. We don’t ask why the victim of a road rage incident was driving to work that day. So why do some people unfairly expect survivors of domestic violence to control a violent situation that someone else has created?
The issue of staying or leaving an abusive relationship is much more complicated than the question, “Why do women stay?” suggests. Someone started the Twitter hashtags, #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft – which resulted in powerful tweets that illustrate how difficult making the decision to stay in or leave an abusive relationship is. The tweets, “I tried to leave the house once after an abusive episode, and he blocked me. He slept in front of the door that entire night” and “If I can’t have you, no one will have you” shed a different light on the question, don’t they?
In fact, leaving an abusive relationship often exacerbates the problem. Our friends at the Oregon Coalition Against Sexual & Domestic Violence point out in a recent Oregonian article: “We know that the danger to a victim increases by 70 percent if she attempts to leave. An abuser will escalate the use of violence when they lose control. Sadly, a majority of homicides occur when someone has left or gets ready to leave an abusive relationship. That’s why we have built a safety network across Oregon and the nation. Personal protection at that point in the relationship is critical.”
PSJ agrees that it is vital for victims to have access safety and support. That’s why we’ve worked with the Coalition, survivors, and victim advocates to increase the Oregon Domestic and Sexual Violence Services Fund. This fund pays for emergency shelter, expert safety planning, counseling, and other support services to victims fleeing domestic and sexual violence in every county across the state. PSJ was instrumental in helping to double this fund in the 2013 legislative session. However, it is still only about a quarter of what a 2006 Oregon Departments of Justice and Human Services study said was needed to meet the demand for emergency shelter and services. In 2013, domestic violence victims made almost 12,000 requests for emergency shelter that could not be met.
Domestic violence affects more than the victims and children being harmed by an abusive person. Domestic violence affects all of the communities in which we live. Safety from domestic violence would save Oregonians more than $35 million per year in health care costs. Safety from domestic violence and sexual assault would reduce Oregon violent crimes. Safety from domestic violence would reduce one-third of child welfare cases in Oregon. And safety from domestic violence would save $9.3 million in annual lost earnings, and prevent a leading cause of homelessness for women and children.
If there is anything to be learned from the deluge of media coverage about this single NFL player and his wife’s tragic situation, we hope it is that it leads to a robust discussion of the issue of domestic violence, and greater support for survivors. Instead of blaming victims, let’s remove systemic barriers and make sure that everyone can get safe and live free from violence.
Denise Welch is the communications and development associate at Partnership for Safety and Justice. PSJ is a statewide, non-profit advocacy organization dedicated to making Oregon’s approach to crime and public safety more effective and just.